I always knew I would do it when I had kids. After all, what could possibly be any better and more natural for your baby?! It was the ultimate experience as a mother! ...or so I thought.
Breastfeeding. Nursing. Whatever you want to call it.
**Disclaimer** I'm writing this purely to document my experience and maybe offer some understanding to other mother's who've struggled with this subject. I am not writing to pass judgement or offend anyone who may not agree with what I have to say. This is just my experience thus far - take it or leave it.
I lived my whole life around women who breastfed. My mom had five kids and breastfeed each one of us until we were at least a year old. Each one of my sisters (there are 4 of them) breastfed or are breastfeeding exclusively until they started solid foods. When I met Bobby, I found out that his Mom used to be a nurse who helped new mom's with breastfeeding. I had a LOT of great resources around me. I have no excuse to be unsuccessful at this, right?
Throughout my pregnancy, I had visions of getting in touch with my inner-hippie. Not the drug part of that, obviously, but the more natural, environmentally-friendly, earth-loving side of being a hippie. Bobby and I decided early on to use cloth diapers. Although we mainly made that decision for cost reasons, I love that we're not pouring through disposable diapers that just generate waste. You can read more about our decision to cloth diaper HERE. I also really wanted to make our own baby food. Not knowing exactly what goes into the jarred stuff, I just felt better making my own. This was also a cost-saving decision. If I'm staying at home and preparing food for Bobby and me, there was no reason I couldn't prepare a little extra for Camden as well. Lastly, I make an effort to purchase organic clothing and shoes, buy toys from local toy stores when I can, and also purchase organic foods to prepare for Camden.
In my efforts to be conscious of the world and its elements around us, it was only the next step to want to exclusively breastfeed (EBF) as well. With every decision we've made in regards to baby products, we always consider the cost and the environmental impact.
So, nine months later, Baby Camden George arrives and I have grand hopes of breastfeeding right after he was placed on my chest. I went through a medication-free labor (no epidural or pain medication), so nursing right away was very important to me. After they placed him on my chest when he was born, I went right to nursing and tried to get him to latch. No such luck. He just laid there looking at me (which was totally fine with me - he was, and is, really cute!). The next morning, I met with the hospital's lactation consultant. She stayed with me for a little while to see how we were doing with nursing. Since Camden still wasn't latching, she recommended that I use a Nipple Shield. There was not much for Camden to latch on to, if you get what I mean! Using the shield helped him latch on ok, but he wouldn't stay there.
After a few worrisome days, my milk finally came in....with bounty. We were home from the hospital at that point, but Camden was hardly staying latched for more than a few minutes. He would pull off and scream after only a few minutes of eating. Right after having given birth, this is the last thing I wanted... lots and lots and lots and lots of tears and prayers later, I called the lactation consultant again, hoping she could help. Since it was a Saturday, I couldn't pay her a visit, so Bobby suggested that I call his mother, the former lactation consultant.
It was at this moment that I completely lost it. There was crying before, but now there was sobbing. I honestly felt like a failure that I wasn't successful with nursing, and now I had to expose that reality to someone who knew me. My pride took a big blow that day, but I had no choice. My baby had to eat and I was determined to breastfeed. My Mother-in-Law came down that next day (praise the Lord!) to help me and Camden. Being on the modest side, it was a little strange at first having my Mother-in-Law helping me with this issue, but I needed to get over myself. My baby was hungry and unhappy and we both needed help. She worked with me all afternoon. I knew all the techniques (I had read
BabyWise and
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding) and was doing them properly....it was Camden who didn't want to cooperate. He would eat for a minute or two, then pull off, arch his back and start screaming. It was so sad, and every part of me just wanted to ease his crying.
In her experience in the labor and delivery ward where she used to work, she said that some babies just needed to be taught how to nurse. Some babies "got it" and some didn't. So when Camden went to pull off (and there was no way he could have ingested enough food), she held his head on and "latched" to show him that he had to stay on for more than a few minutes! Thankfully, after the second or third nursing session, he started to get it. It was also helpful during that time to nurse him in the "
football hold," as opposed to the "
cradle hold," which I was doing before. Once Camden got the hang of it, we went back to the Cradle Hold since it was more comfortable for me. (Thank you Mom B - I am beyond grateful for your help and support that afternoon!)
After that afternoon, nursing got better, but only a little bit. He still would only stay latched for 5 minutes at a time, or only take one side. However, he would be fine for the 2.5-3 hour period in between nursing. He'd even be happy! There would be days he would eat fine, and others where it was a struggle. I can remember nursing him in bed, trying everything I could, and just crying, praying - pleading - to God that this would get easier. After all, he designed women so that we would feed our babies this way. What did women do in ancient days when electric breast pumps or formula didn't exist??
To this day, nursing Camden is not easy. He's one distracted baby! Thanks to the methods in BabyWise that suggest feeding your baby right after he wakes up, Camden has adapted much better to nursing during those times. When he's tired, he just wants to sleep...not be held and not nurse. In a panic during the early days, I went and purchased a baby scale to keep in his nursery. It's similar to the one used in our pediatrician's office, and it gave me complete peace of mind, knowing that Camden was getting enough milk AND that he was gaining weight steadily (which is what the doctor checks for).
THIS is the scale that we bought and I love having it - even now.
Nursing has been a huge blow to my pride, which I admit, I needed. Not everything works the way you want it to, but with diligence and faith that this is how the Lord intended these things to work, I kept working at it. I often challenge myself to "break out of my comfort zone" with nursing. This summer, we went to the beach and instead of nursing him on the bed like I always do, I nursed him right on the beach with the wind in our hair. He didn't seem to mind, although it was pretty hot. When I travel up to Annapolis with the baby and there isn't a quiet room around, I'll nurse him in the back seat of our car. Thank goodness for stores like Nordstrom that has a "mother's room" with comfortable chairs, dim lighting, a changing table and sink. We are getting ready to travel overseas with Camden in a few days, so I'll be forced to nurse him in the airport and on the plane. I used to worry what people would think if I nurse in public - and I still do! (I don't care what people say about losing your modesty after child birth, I'm still pretty modest!) But I swallow my fears because it really is a very natural thing to do.
So today, Camden is almost 8 months old - am I really just enjoying it. I'd like to nurse for at least a year. We've only just started solid foods about 2 months ago, but he still needs milk for all the nutrients he won't get from food yet. We are still using the nipple shield (I've tried to wean several times unsuccessfully) and I'm ok with that, if it means he'll continue to nurse. I pump almost every day to build up a supply in the event I need to stop nursing for whatever reason. We give Cam a bottle every once in a while, or if I'm away from him for more than 3 hours at a time. We're still learning, but it's gotten much, much better since the beginning.
So for all you breastfeeding Mom's who may struggle with it... stick with it! There is hope if you are determined to continue nursing. Here are some legit resources that really helped me with breastfeeding:
I am by no means an expert on the subject, but if you have any questions or comments, leave them and I will post them on here. Good luck, nursing mamas!
