A Picture Story

Dear Readers,
You may not know me, or my husband, but I'm glad you're here, because you know what? You made it just in time for a story! For those of you who "read" books or magazines but really just like to look at the pictures and make up your own story... well, this blog is for you. This is actually not a story, but more of a conversation in pictures.
Feeling a bit lost? Not to worry... just read along about our fun little hiking adventure and you'll be just fine. Just be glad that you were not the one who almost required a hip surgery or a pedicure afterward.

Thank you for coming back and putting numbers on my counter. It gives my life meaning.
Peace, Love, and Hip Replacements (just kidding, Dad),
The Barricks (but really it's just Melissa)

Chapter 1: About 1:00-1:17 p.m.
Me: Hey honey, it's a nice day out, we should go do something outside!
Bobby: You hate being outside.
Me: Well, that's only when I have to take the trash out. Let's go for a hike around the lake!
Bobby: {Turning his head inquisitively as if to be in utter shock} The Lake? Ok fine.

{Meanwhile, Bobby digs out his heavy-duty camping boots and his giant backpack. He starts loading it with some weights to make the hike even more work for himself. All the while, I float around from room to room, putting on my pearls and "pink diamonds" lip gloss, making sure that my outfit is coordinated}

Arrive at the Lake:
Me: Here honey, take my picture by the lake, it's so pretty! It doesn't even seem that big, this will take us no time!
Bobby: {Grumbling as he switches my camera from manual to automatic.} You better not stop every five minutes to take pictures or we're never going to finish this hike... {He snaps the picture}

...and we're off!

Chapter 2: About 1.5 miles into the hike
Me: {Chatting up a storm, trying to ask him about his old camping days. Also making a mental note NOT to complain. About anything.} How long is this hike?
Bobby: Seven miles.
Me: Oh ok, I thought it was way more than that... this shouldn't be bad! {Translation in my head: Why the HECK did I volunteer this afternoon activity!?} Hey B, Look at the snake I just found!!!!
{SNAP! I took his picture. And he was so happy with me at this point.}

Chapter 3: About 3.5 miles into the hike (half way)
Me: {Yelling} Bobbyyyy.... slow down and wait for your wiiiifffeeee!

Chapter 4: About 4 miles in
Bobby: Stop. I want to see how fast we're walking {reaching for his iphone which has a distance tracker for nerds}
Me: Too fast, if you ask me...

Chapter 5: About 4.5 miles in
Me: Let's stop and enjoy the scenery..
Bobby: {Eye Roll}

Chapter 6: About 5 miles in
Me: Hey, are you supposed to look up in front of you when you're walking or down at the trail in front of you?
Bobby: Don't you want to enjoy the scenery?
Me: {mumbling} No, I just want to get off the worlds longest trail...
Bobby: I heard that. Here, take a break, I want to remember the last time my wife went hiking with me (this blog is full of flattering pictures).

Chapter 7: About 5.5 miles in
Me: Stop walking... I haven't taken enough pictures.
Bobby: You can take some when we get home.
Me: But my hips are going to fall off from walking so long. I need a break...

Chapter 8: 5.5 miles to about 6.75 miles
No Talking. We've reached the fire road at this point... Almost...there...

Chapter 9: Final stretch.
I can see the car. It's all I can do to make it across the parking lot without folding over in half. I crawl in, mud-encrusted shoes and all. We get home and I jump right into the bath tub. I've never taken a bath in our apartment, but my poor backside sat in there for about an hour.

My poor feet haven't recovered since. And that's the last time I ever suggest going on a 7 mile hike again.

The End.